Almost There

Nearly 7 years ago I completed the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon. Yep… 26.2 miles in a mere 6 hours 32 minutes… Of course my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek – that’s a long time for a marathon and I was near the last of the people to finish. But I DID finish. It made me crazy, though, when spectators tried to cheer me up by shouting “You’re almost there!” when I was at mile 17, or 20, 0r 25.7…. even half a mile is a long way when you can’t see the finish line.

So here I am… two weeks and one day out from my last chemo treatment, and my fan club is telling me “You’re almost there!”. Seriously, I DO appreciate the intent to encourage and celebrate. But I am not ready to celebrate until I am DONE. I’ve been through weeks of treatment, and fatigue, and not feeling good, and weirdness, BUT I still have 3 more treatments, and I’m tired. And that tiredness will not magically disappear on April 29th. It’s going to take some time yet, sigh.

This is how I look when I’m getting my chemo. It makes me so happy that NorthStar has a blanket warmer and that the volunteers replace my blanket with a nice warm one as often as I want.

I’m tired of being tired!! I know, mentally, that the end is near. I know I only have about a mile to go. But when my feet hurt** and my hands itch and I’m tired day in and day out, it feels like “normal” is a loooong way off still.
(**side note about these feet… over the last week the soles of my feet have started getting numb and tingly – especially later in the day (apparently this is another not-uncommon side-effect of Taxol). This, combined with a Taxol rash that makes them itchy, is really really really annoying!)

So here’s my plan… I will take it one day/hour/minute/step at a time. I probably won’t be running on this last mile, or even slogging (slog = slow jog). I’ll walk. Slowly. But I will get there. I will finish. And I will feel better. It will just take time. You can cheer me on with “you can DO this” “keep on truckin'” “looking good” – But please no more “you’re almost there” – because I won’t feel like I’m almost there until I’m stepping over the finish line.

I did it before, and I’ll do it again…
I’ll dance when this marathon is over.

Author: jbarnescm

Just a regular person, diagnosed with breast cancer 10/2018, making the best of things, and keeping my peeps up to date View all posts by jbarnescm

4 thoughts on “Almost There”

Hang in there gal!
I danced after Round 1…..and the successive rounds after recurrence, as I will after each round… because : I am still here and able to laugh! …And I now have curly hair, short, but there 🤣
God is good.
God bless you too!
I am a survivor of Stage 3C Ovarian/ fallopian/cancerous peritoneal acites June 2017.

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You should be so proud of that marathon!!!!! That is so special. You helped others meet that goal as a mentor like you did for Pat and I. We only did halfs but you did a 26.2. Something to never forget. What a feat of endurance and strength. That same strength will get you through this too. Dig deep and full stream ahead. Hugs to you. Feel them from afar.

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When I was getting sober, sometimes it was minute by minute. You have been an inspiration with your manner throughout this marathon….much longer than the 26.5 miles of your previous one and far more challenging. You have shared this journey and kept us all up to date. Thank you for letting us take this journey with you.

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